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Fear Born of Love

And call upon me in the day of trouble . . .—Psalm 50:15 (ESV)

Patsy Cline’s soulful voice floats into my bedroom in my mother’s house. I’d moved in with Mom to take care of her
after her Alzheimer’s got worse
.

“Turn that music up. You know ‘Crazy’ is my favorite song,” Mom says. Well, that makes sense. I feel like we are both crazy at this point. I wonder how Patsy was able to take a quick glance at my life and put it to song.

I go into the kitchen and begin making Mom’s favorite meal. I remember the many times she’d made it for me. Placing the dish in front of her, I smile and say, “Dinner’s ready, Mom.”

“Well, it’s about time you got here. You haven’t been here for three days,” she says.

“Oh, my word, Mom. You can’t remember anything.”

I stomp to my bedroom and slam the door hard enough to move a hanging picture of Mom. Her frozen smile is so full of hope. She had a different plan for her life too.

Tears glisten in my eyes. I’m so ashamed of my behavior. I’m just so scared. I walk back to Mom and tell her I’m sorry. Tell her how much I love her. I know the caregiving will get harder. My patience will be tested. But I need to remember, my fear is born of love.

Lord, help me realize life is not based on my plans, but yours.

Adapted from
Strength & Grace Magazine

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