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Mom, I Hate You!

Arguments with your teen are inevitable. But here's how to avoid hurtful words.

How to argue constructively with your teen. Photo from 123RF(r).

The argument intensified. Tempers flared. It was the first time I heard the words that broke my heart. Mom, I hate you!

Out of anger my son yelled those words that brought the argument to a screeching halt. A few hours later we both apologized to each other and life continued as normal, but the sting of those words lingered in my heart.

Later, I talked to my mom about it and she chuckled and said, “All kids tell you that when things don’t go their way, so you must be doing something right.”

Teens go through a lot of changes in a short amount of time. Add all the other stresses that they face on a daily basis to their frustrations, and sometimes it causes their anger to quickly spiral out of control.

Does your teen daughter have outbursts of explosive anger? Are you dealing with violent mood swings and endless fights?

There is no getting around it. Teens and parents are going to fight. However, there are ways to avoid the cutting comments that can leave emotional scars. Here are a few suggestions to avoid hearing saying or hearing hurtful words.

  • Pick your battles and let some things go. As parents, we don’t always have to win and some things we argue about are minor issues.

    I remember when my son reminded me about an argument that we had years ago regarding him missing curfew. Even though he had a good reason, I refused to listen and he got grounded.

    I don’t remember it, but he does. I was wrong in the way I handled the situation and missed the opportunity to teach him about giving grace to others.

  • Refrain from losing control of your own emotions. Even though your daughter may yell and curse, it doesn’t mean that you should too. Stay calm.

  • Let her know there will be consequences for her misbehavior, but don’t threaten her with them at the height of her anger.

    Wait until her temper has cooled, and then follow through. This will give her time to process the consequences of her actions rationally. 

  • Walk away if you feel out of control. Take a few deep breaths and don’t react in anger. Be her role model in how to handle conflict.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. (James 1:19:20, NIV)

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